John Grisham's "The Citation"

In the mail this week were twin letters, one to me and one to Jill, from the Sheriff’s office.  I thought, “Holy crap! I was kidding about starting a meth lab.”  Damn meddling H-E-B cashiers! So I flushed all of our Sudafed and then we opened the letters.  It seems that both Jill and I have been called to Jury Duty.

We both accessed the “I-Juror” system and went through the on-line empaneling process.  Neither one of us got disqualified for “Not being of sound mind or good moral character.”  Though admittedly, Jill is of gooder moral character than me.

We both are scheduled to report to the same court on the same day and time for Jury Duty.  Think of the possibilities!  With the last name of Smith, there is no way they will ever find out we are married. Of course that assumes we completely lie on the questionnaire, but stay with me.

We could both get on a jury and totally sway the outcome.  We could even find out who is going on trial and suggest that perhaps, you know, there might be some favorable outcome in exchange for some small amount of “consideration.”  And by consideration, I mean $3,204.

It is a fool-proof plan.  With only two small hitches. 
1)    I have no idea how one would be able to find out who is going on trial, how to contact them, and how to initiate a “jury tampering” conversation.
2)    It’s municipal court.  Meaning the case we might have are likely zoning disputes or unpaid parking tickets.  It’s probably not likely someone is going to give us “consideration” to erase $400 in parking tickets.

But other than that, nothing stands in our way of totally subverting the justice system.  Well, except for our good (and in Jill’s case gooder) moral character.