My Very Valuable Time

I flew to a conference in DC a few weeks back.  I don't think I've been on an airplane in the last couple of years.  Especially since they started charging for everything.  I believe I was one of the few people who had a bag to check.  Everyone else had their carry-on and "personal item" which looked remarkably like another carry-on.  I enjoyed the short line to check the bag until I realized I had to pay $25 for my luggage to come with me.  Which it didn't (a whole other story). 

But beyond the bag charge, the automated check-in system (talking to a real person would have been $20) tried to up-sell me on everything.  It was like getting one of those free one-month passes to a gym and then getting a 30 minute hard-sell on joining before you can work out. 

"Would you like to purchase a meal on the flight?" $40
"How about a snack?" $38
"Would you like a window seat?" $10
"Would you like priority access to the oxygen system should the cabin lose pressure?" $17
"Would you like to upgrade to first class?" $13,912

After answering "no" to all the extra charges, I thought I might be able to go use the damn exercise bike.  But no, the machine had one more offer.  I was in boarding group #3, and it asked me (I swear this is true): "would you like to upgrade to boarding group #2 for $10?"

First, anyone who flies will realize that "boarding group #2" is NOT the second group to get on the plane.  It's really the thirteenth. 

1st    Super-duper gold platinum bonus gold members (includes my brother)
2nd   Gold Silver Business Executive Class
3rd   Silver Gold Business Executive Class
4th   Elite Bonus Gold Bronze Class
5th   Members of Congress
6th   Triple Rewards Bronze Class
7th   People with disabilities
8th   Elite Business Nickel Class
9th  People traveling with small children under the age of 4 months
10th  Members of the armed services
11th  People traveling with small children from 121 days old to 480 days old
12th  Boarding Group #1
13th  Boarding Group #2
14th  Boarding Group #3

Second, and as Jill pointed out to me later, boarding earlier has absolutely no bearing on how fast you get to your destination (though I still hate all of the people who get to board before me).

And third, even if getting on the plane early has some psychological benefits, the delay between calling Boarding Group #2 and Boarding Group #3 was only 17 seconds.  To pay $10 to save 17 seconds (or to get in the backed up line in the hot connecting tube thing seventeen seconds earlier) means that my time is worth $2,117.65 per hour, or $4,404,706 per year.  While I believe I am a valuable member of society, I certainly cannot justify that my time is worth that much.  Now, if I was a Super-duper gold platinum bonus gold member...