I Am Titanium

These are my new glasses.  Forty-seven years and eleven months, my eyes have been perfect.  OK, take out about 26 months from that.  But until I hit that mid-40's wall, I had no issues with my eyes.  That went to shit pretty quickly.  And soon I will have these lovely new titanium glasses with transition lenses.  As in, transition to old.  The eye doctor tells me the "swimming," "vertigo" and "nausea" won't last for more than a few months after I start wearing glasses.  Fantastic.

This is my new hearing aid.  I anticipate getting a couple of these in what, four or five years?  

And this, of course, is my new walker.  I'm hoping that by the time I need one of these, it'll be wifi enabled.

"Siri!  Take me to Wal-Mart!"