Texas had its first gay marriage last week. Through a complex set of complicated circumstances, one was allowed to slip through before Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton put a stop to the practice.
I forget - was he the one in Independence Day or was it Attorney General Ken Pullman?
The problem is, of course, it's now too late. There is now one gay marriage in Texas.
Yesterday, we got our letter. A bunch of official legalize which boils down to what some people had been saying all along - our heterosexual marriage is now officially invalid. Null, void, never happened.
The gates are now open. Our nice Christian neighbors got their letter on Saturday, and we have already seen three new people move into their house. They have adopted a quint-marriage, which is more defined than the Johnsons across the street. They hung a giant disco ball on their porch and sweaty men come and go at all hours. I won't even speculate what the Nelsons are doing with the goat and the llama that were delivered yesterday. Alarming, but not unexpected now that gay marriage has happened.
Thankfully, Attorney General Pullman is on the job! The problem is, the state of Texas' argument seems to be that gay marriage should be stopped because the primary purpose of marriage is procreation. Since I had a...let's call it a "procedure"...a few years back, Jill and I no longer have the "capacity" to have "children." My boys still swim, they just don't know how to dive*.
So I'm afraid my marriage as it once existed is no longer possible. We are looking at the fine print in the letter to see what is possible. Best case scenario - one of us could marry the couch and the couch can adopt the other. Damn you gay people!!!
[*Yes, I realize that is the worst and most inaccurate metaphor ever used for vasectomies. I also realize I have no idea what the procedure actually did to my "boys."]
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