I Fought the Law...

...and you know the rest. A few months back, we were mailed our property tax statement, which had a remarkable increase in house value over the previous year. Long story short (and then, as usual, long again), I found myself this afternoon sitting in an informal "Tax Protest Hearing," across from a fast talking, jargon-using, government flunky. Named Doug.

I laid out my well-documented arguments, showing pictures, comparable houses, maps, witness affidavits, and DNA evidence. Doug talked about appraised values, homestead creation periods, and some words I really think he made up. He intimated, without actually stating it, that if I insisted on coming back for my formal "Tax Protest Hearing," that there was an outside chance that my appraised value could actually go up, to as much as a billion dollars. I was outmatched. Doug took me down. In less than four minutes.

The upside is that, as a progressive, I am generally in favor of taxes. Going to a "Tax Protest Hearing" kind of made me feel dirty. I found myself thinking about getting an assault rifle, speaking out in favor of forcibly implanting every frozen embryo in women of child-bearing age, and the like.

Thank you Doug. You brought me back from the dark side. Bastard.