Don't Be a Brother Heckler

My brother Stacy was the VIP Distinguished Speaker at UT's McCombs School of Business this past Tuesday.  He has come a very long way from when he waited tables dressed as Robin Hood.

It was awesome to see him talk about his experiences in front of a crowd of 400 or so eager business students.  My aunt, uncle, and cousin joined the crowd to listen.  Since he changed his number and e-mail address, it's really the only way we get to see him.

I got there early and went down to the stage to say hello.  He was talking to the Dean and turned to introduce me.

"Dean Farkenparker (not his real name), I want you to meet my brother Russell.  He is also a graduate of the McCombs School, from the Honors Business program."

Dean Farkenparker turned toward me and shook my hand.  Without a single word, facial movement, or grunt, he turned right back to Stacy and finished his previous sentence.  "...so the students here are interested in ..."

"Good to meet you" would have been acceptable.  As would "Great."  Or even "Hmmm."  Perhaps a nod.  I could have lived with a wink.  Probably not a kiss (he could have the swine flu).  None of these things would have significantly distracted from his face-time with my brother.  But no, Dean Farkenparker had no use for me - the alumni brother of his featured speaker.  Perhaps he could tell by looking at me that I am not a captain of industry like Stacy.  Or since this was the business school, he likely already had pulled up my permanent record and my recent financial statements.

I had come to the lecture to good-naturedly heckle my brother during the Q&A.  I worked really hard on my questions:

1) How would you say that family has helped or hindered your career?

2) Why did you change your phone number and e-mail address so that we can't contact you?

3) Wouldn't you say that your brother has been ultimately responsible for your rapid rise in the world of commerce?

4) Wasn't my GPA higher than yours in graduate school?

5) Why did you set me on fire when I was in sixth grade?

But listening to him, I decided to keep those questions to myself.  I am enormously proud to be his brother.  Even though I am barred by court order from calling and telling him that.

I did have to work hard to not heckle the Dean.  I fought the urge to interrupt him with choice "You Lie!!!" or an "Oh really???"  I decided instead to cut my donation to the school by half.  Or I might triple it.  It'll still be the same amount.