Hold Me Closer, Tony Danza

I was listening to the radio yesterday and that old "Pina Colada" song came on.  It was a song that I used to love.  I listened closer to the words and I actually had an epiphany.  It is an awful, awful song.

Now, I still think it sounds good, but I listened closely to the words.  I didn't have one of those "aha!" moments when I realized that I had been singing it wrong.  Like:

"Keep it common law!" - KC & the Sunshine Band
"Hold me closer, Tony Danza." - Elton John
And the one that always puzzled me the most: "You picked a fine time to leave me Lucille.  With four hundred children and a crop in the field."  With that many kids, I would imagine a good 200 to 250 would be old enough to help out.  Doesn't seem like one extra adult would be that helpful.  Plus, maybe her departure would slow the reproduction rate.  A quiver-full, indeed.

But my epiphany wasn't because of a mere  misinterpretation.  This was a complete and utter re-thinking.   The song is about this jerk who decides to have an affair.  Because he was "tired of my lady, we'd been together too long. Like a worn-out recording, of a favorite song."  Was she cheating?  Was she abusive?  Was she clinically insane?  No.  He was tired of her.  Wonderful.

I can't think of any other solution than to look in the personals, can you?  Marriage counseling, talking to her?  Nah, what's the point.  She's a worn-out recording.

So, the guy is a dickwad.  Turns out, so is his old lady.  The ad he answers is hers.  She wins!  She decided to throw away the relationship first.

When they both realize this, they have a lovely laugh together.
"Oh, you were planning on cheating on me and leaving me without so much as a goodbye.  How delightful."
"Isn't that funny?  We both had the same idea to ruin each other's life."

Then they talked about how they never knew each other liked crappy drinks, getting soaked, and having sandy sex.  Maybe it would have been a good idea to, I don't know, maybe, TALK TO EACH OTHER?

I have to admit I'm not exactly sure why this so pissed me off.  Maybe because I didn't find it objectionable before?  Or calls into question my musical tastes, even from so long ago.

And don't get me started on "Coward of the County"!