Katie Couric Look-Alike Porn

I am trying to be a calm person.  I called Microsoft yesterday in a calm, zen-like mood.  I had purchased and downloaded a program from their website that is supposed to allow me to create cool, interactive maps.  After the three-hour download, when I opened it, the software told me the "Volume Licence Key could not be installed.  Please uninstall and reinstall." I did.  I tried to open it and it told me that the "Volume Licence Key could not be installed.  Please uninstall and reinstall."  I did it again.  Next, when I tried to open it, the program told me that the "Volume Licence Key could not be installed.  Please uninstall and reinstall."  Fool me thrice, shame on all of us! 

Not wanting to go further into the endless lather, rinse, repeat cycle,  I called Microsoft.  The first person I talked to listened to my problem and then told me I needed to talk with the "Volume Licencing Center."  So they transferred me.  After I repeated my problem, the person told me I needed to talk to customer service.  So they transferred me.  I relayed the problem to the person at customer service, who told me I needed to talk to the "Technical Writer Department." I was wary that this was even a real place, but they transferred me.  The "Technical Writer Department" listened to my story and then told me I needed to talk to the "Technical Support" people.  However, the "Technical Support" people don't take calls directly.  You have to fill out a form on-line and they will call you back.  So, I went on-line to fill out the form.  The form had two options - enter the registration key of your software or don't.  Since I couldn't open the software, I couldn't enter any registration key, so I picked the "Don't Enter the Registration Key (charges may apply)" option.  The next screen told me that the fee for a call-back is $35 / hour and that I would need to enter my credit card information before continuing.

We'll look at this as "choose your own adventure."  At which point in this process would you shed your own calm, zen-like demeanor and start screaming obscenities at the customer service rep?  That will tell you how good of a person you are.  For me, it was right around the fourth transfer.  You see, each time they told me they needed to transfer me, they ended with "And is there anything else I can help you with?"

The first transfer - "No, thank you."
The second transfer - "No, this is really what I needed help with."
The third transfer - "No."
The fourth transfer - "You didn't fucking help me with this!  What do you mean 'is there ANYTHING ELSE I can help you with'?

In answer to the owl's question - "How many transfers does it take to get to the center of Russell's anger?"  Four.