Godtoberfest

Austin's gone a little Jesus crazy.  A bunch of churches around town have been advertising at the same time to "Explore God."  There are billboards, television commercials, yard signs, buttons, and bumper stickers.  If I didn't know better, I'd think that Jesus was running for elected office.

"I am the son of God.  And I approve this message."

The signs invite people to explore God, and also admits that "We All Have Questions."  Jill won't let me knock on people's doors (who have the yard signs) and ask the questions I want to ask.

"Who thought Siri was a good idea?"
"What is the maximum legal penalty for removing mattress tags without express written permission?"
"How many licks DOES it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop (without biting)?"

Jill pointed out that the signs don't explicitly say they have answers, just that they are acknowledging the universality of questions.

"Why is my wife so much smarter than me?"
"What does universality mean? Is it even a real word?"

Our Unitarian church isn't participating.  It's not like we don't have questions.  But our sign would be more like:
"All answers are acceptable."

I don't think any of the Jewish temples or synagogues are participating, either.

"Why do you ask such a question?  You should call your mother more often."

One relevant (to me) question I'd like to ask would be "what's up with Methodists and singing?"

I'll explain.

Abby had a choir concert last Friday night at the Methodist church.  As I am one of the last four people on the planet without a smart phone, I had no crushing candy or friendly word thing to entertain me after sitting but before the concert started.  (they could have turned off the lights and the room would have had a green glow).

So, to entertain myself, I picked up the Methodist hymnal and started reading.  There was also a bible, but I already know how that ends.

At the beginning of the hymnal was John Wesley's "Directions for Singing" from 1761.  I'm assuming Mr. Wesley was an important Methodist.  Excerpts from his seven rules (reproduced from the internet to ensure their accuracy, and edited to only include the things I find funny):


I. Learn these Tunes before you learn any others; afterwards learn as many as you please.

II. Sing them exactly as they are printed here, without altering or mending them at all; and if you have learned to sing them otherwise, unlearn it as soon as you can.

IV. Sing lustily and with good courage. Beware of singing as if you were half dead, or half asleep; but lift up your voice with strength. Be no more afraid of your voice now, nor more ashamed of its being heard, than when you sung the songs of Satan.

V. Sing modestly. Do not bawl, so as to be heard above or distinct from the rest of the congregation, that you may not destroy the harmony; 

VI. Sing in Time: whatever time is sung, be sure to keep with it. Do not run before nor stay behind it; but attend closely to the leading voices, and move therewith as exactly as you can. And take care you sing not too slow. This drawling way naturally steals on all who are lazy; and it is high time to drive it out from among us, and sing all our tunes just as quick as we did at first.

I'm wondering if the songs I learned in Sunday school were the "Songs of Satan."  Though they mostly involved dreidels.  Is the dreidel the "spinning top of Satan"?

I am with John Wesley on his rule #VI.  Every time a group starts singing "Happy Birthday", half the people trail off and slow down until the end of it sounds like a round.  Definitely not singing lustily.

"Does gently poking fun at Christian outreach and singing rules have a lasting affect on my potential afterlife destination?"
"Was John Wesley as fun-loving as he sounds?"