Just Give Me the Freakin' Candy

I've always loved Halloween.  If you put in some minimal effort, people give you free, basically worthless stuff.  As a kid, I'm sure I could have saved up enough to buy a big bag of the premium candy.  But it would not have been nearly as tasty as the free stuff from the neighbors.  I trick-or-treated way past the age when I should have stopped. [though not as long as Jill, who apparently went trick-or-treating in college].  I have kinship with the older kids who come by, and don't give them grief, even if they are sans costume.  Both out of nostalgia, and the acknowledgement that the older ones are more likely to be able to form a plan, drive, purchase destructive tools, and utilize them on my house.  Not worth hanging onto a fun-sized Clark Bar.

It's like Mardi Gras.  Not the fear of reprisal from 17 year-olds, but the love of free crap.  Beads!  For $3, you can get a large assortment from Party City, but at a Mardi Gras parade, they are much more tasty.

I gave up trick-or-treating in adolescence, only to rediscover it when Kaileigh was tiny.  This was when I had the revelation.  The BEST years to go trick-or-treating are when your children are small.  They look adorable in their little clown / cat / zombie costume and people give them LOTS of candy.  They can't eat the candy (very few actual teeth), and it's just going to go to waste...

This worked through two waves of small kids.  With the twins, up until two years ago, it still was basically free candy for the parents.  They would get a small mountain of candy and really have no idea of their net holdings. Then last year, they discovered the concept of inventory.  And, in furthering their business education, I taught them about shrinkage.

"Dad, last week I had fourteen O'Henry bars and six Lick M' Sticks, now I only have one Whatchamacallit."

"Shrinkage."

This year, they discovered the concept of inventory control.  I am working to insert a lesson on corporate candy taxation for the greater good of society.  Or at least finagle a Bit O' Honey from them.

They also learned about marketing this year.  When they returned from their two hours of hunting and gathering, they had an impressive amount and variety of candy products.  As well as one toothbrush, a bag of Cheetos, two pencils, and one free Comparative Market Analysis.

It seems a local realtor is looking to increase her client base.  She dropped her business card, attached to a 100 Grand Bar, and a coupon that read "This coupon is good for a free Comparative Market Analysis that can be used to determine the market value of your home or to protest your taxes."

We are certainly not a low-income neighborhood, but I am doubtful that many of the trick-or-treating children are property owners.  Perhaps she'll get a call or two from little ones who want to know how much their dollhouse or club house is worth.  I hope so.

I informed the girls that the 2013 parent candy tax was 13%, but that with the sequester and because of my fear of tea party protests, I would be dropping it to 11.4% this year.  They were not appreciative of this across-the-board tax cut.

If only they knew of someone they could call to protest their taxes...