I'm Going to Need You to Meet Me Half Way

I'm trying.  I really am.  I realize that I could be on the verge of being a grumpy old dude who doesn't want to interact with anyone.  Not a good trajectory, especially since I 1) run a non-profit with 30-35 people (who has time to count these days?) and 2) teach at the graduate school.  I kinda need to interact pleasantly with people.

So, I have been trying.  Just the other day, I actually interacted with the H-E-B cashier.

Cashier (upon seeing something I was buying that she did not recognize): "What's this?"

Old me (what I might have said if I wasn't trying): "My groceries.  Put them in the fucking bag."

New (trying very hard to be nice) me: "Oh, that's  _____."

Cashier "I've never seen that.  What is it for?"

New me: "Mainly itching, but also some flaking and burning."

Or take this exchange when person with clipboard rang doorbell at 8:39 pm.

Old me: "Not interested!"  (through closed door).

New me:  [turned light on, opened door] "Can I help you?"

Dude with clipboard: "Yes sir, we were just in the neighborhood replacing your neighbor's windows and had some extra ones after the job was completed.  Instead of taking them all the way back to the warehouse in Idaho, I wanted to see if you might be interested in them.  At a deep discount, of course."

Old me: [well, old me wouldn't have opened the door, but if I had, I'd be looking for some source of water to spray at this idiot.]

New me: "No thank you."

Idiot at the door: "Then would you be willing to sign our petition to support clean water and transportation network systems?"

New me: "No thank you."  [polite door shutting.  I even wait till dude leaves property before turning off light].

I wonder if the "new, friendlier me" has opened up some sort of portal, inviting the annoying people of the world into my space.  Seriously, I'm not just getting some pleasant small talk and banter with people with whom I share a line.  I dropped my angry shield and the barbarians have swarmed the wall.

Yesterday I was cycling north of town.  There is this great stretch of road that goes through Cedar Park, Leander and points north.  I was about 30 miles into my ride when I got to this part I call "two mile hill" - a stretch of about two miles that goes steeply down and then back up.  I flew down to the bottom and was slowly working back up the other side when a rider pulls up on my left.  Generally, I either pass or am passed when riding alone.  No one pulls next to me.  But this guy did.  There was still a lot of hill to climb, and though I was slowly making progress, it was clear this guy slowed down to talk to me.

Random cyclist: "Nice day!"

New me: "It is a nice day.  Though I saw some lightning off to the west."

Random cyclist: "I was going in that direction and turned around."

[we are still climbing slowly up a big-ass hill.  Dude obviously could cruise past me but doesn't.]

New me (after realizing random cyclist was still hanging out): "How far are you going?"

Random cyclist: "I was heading toward the rain and I asked the Lord if I should be going in that direction.  I turned around."

New me: "Huh."

Random cyclist: "Can I ask you a question?"

Old me: "No!"

New me: "Um..."

Random cyclist: "Do you believe in Jesus Christ?"

New me: "Can't say that I do."

Random cyclist: "Why not?"

New me: "Um..."

Random cyclist: "Can I tell you about him?"

At this point, Old Me is about to blow an artery: "Tell him to go fuck himself"
New me: "He is just being friendly."
Old me: "No, he is proselytizing to you and you can't get away from it because you are slowly climbing a big ass hill.  What, did you wear your 'Jewish cyclist' jersey again?  I told you to get rid of that."
New me: "I like the colors."
Old me: "Idiot."
Old me: "Oh - and you should tell him that this hill is not big enough for you to find Jesus.  He should catch back up to you on a harder hill, where you might need some additional help."
New me: "Idiot."

New me (to random cyclist): "No thank you.  But thanks for stopping by."

Work with me people.  I'm happy to talk about the weather, the Longhorns, your cute baby, shared incredulity about Donald Trump...things like that.  I don't want your windows, your Jesus, or likely anything else you are selling.  But you have to meet me half way here, or I really could become the old guy yelling at kids to stay off his lawn.