Thursday, September 02, 2010

Always Buy From the Neighbor Kid (Amendment #1)


I believe strongly in buying products from the cute neighbor kids who come selling door-to-door.  So it is with sincere ambivalent feelings that I add an "except for..."

And I currently have only one "except for..."  The Boy Scouts came to our door to sell Caramel Corn.  We bought a bag (see picture above).  For reference, the bag of "Kettle Corn" on the left was purchased at Sprout's for $1.95.  The Boy Scout Caramel Corn?  Where the product only actually fills to right around the Asian kid's chin?  That supports a program that is militantly anti-gay?  That is at least 32% high fructose corn syrup?  NINE FREAKING DOLLARS!!!!  I did the math.  This caramel corn, per ounce, is more expensive than crystal meth.

Sorry boys.  Don't come around here no more.

P.S.  And Cary, if you fact check me, I will know you use crystal meth (like I've been telling your sisters all along).

1 comment:

Cary said...

Once again I'm underwhelmed with a deep chasm of disappoint in the your editor, unless it's my sister in which case ignore everything below.

The first and most devastating mistake is that there is no corn syrup. Cooking popcorn in corn syrup is akin to cannibalism. The Boy Scouts don't go there.

As any ex- or current boy scout will know (shout out to my homies), it's made natural tapioca syrup. The full ingredients are below:

Natural Tapioca Syrup, Popcorn, Natural Molasses, Butter (Cream, Salt), Soy Lecithin (an emulsifier), Salt, Baking Soda, Natural Flavor

Second, the national average of crystal meth in 2009 was $100 per gram. I won't know the current price in Austin until I get there this weekend, but let's still with $100 / gram.

The carmel popcorn is 11 ounces, and at 28.349523 grams per ounce it's just simple math that even the twins can figure out. The equivalent amount of crystal meth would go for $3,118.50.

As a side note, you got a great deal since buying the popcorn online instead of in person would $23.95.