What Are You Doing, Hal?

I utilize the automated postage machine at my neighborhood Post Office. It's quite useful, especially since the postal workers there have never heard of the concepts of urgency, professionalism, customer service, or discretion. These are completely foreign to them. They blather on and on to each other about, well, nothing, truly amusing each other and really annoying the growing crowd waiting for a stamp. The longer the line, the more they chat amongst themselves, and the greater the chance that all but one will go on break and never be seen again. These postal people would challenge the patience of the most centered monks.

And they have a dubious grasp on what their job is. One of my staff members was berated for bringing a large pile of envelopes that needed postage. They yelled at her for bringing them mail to send! We rented a post office box there when we moved offices two years ago, but realized three months later that they had never put our name on the box. We would get a letter or two a week, but they admitted that most of the mail went "somewhere else." Where that was, they didn't know. How could we get it? Not sure.

So I was very excited when I could actually get my postal business done without interacting with the postal workers. It's kind of like the calm you get when you move from a place (or switch jobs) that causes your time to sit in traffic to go down dramatically. Lower stress, less interaction with idiots.

And the automated postage machine is so easy to use! It takes you through several questions, assesses your postal needs, and dispenses the postage choices that are best for your particular postal situation. It takes credit card payment, then wishes you a good day. The automated postage machine ends with "It has been a pleasure to serve you."

WAY friendlier than the real postal workers. But...a pleasure to serve me? From the machine? Has the post office really created a machine that can feel pleasure? That has empathy for the customer? Why haven't we heard about this? And why the hell did they spend the time and money to create a feeling machine? Is this why postage goes up every year? And finally, now that they have spent untold billions on developing a machine that feels my pain, my triumphs, and knows my soul, can they get it to train the idiots behind the counter?