Hell's Conference Schedule

I am currently in Washington DC at a conference for work. It's on "Promoting Responsible Fatherhood" and "Healthy Marriages." No, I didn't get sent here as part of a sentence from family court. We get money from the government. Really.

We arrived yesterday and took the Metro to the Wardman Park Marriott. As we walked up to the front doors, there was a woman sitting out front next to a box. Inside the box were eight of the creepiest, life-like dolls I have ever seen. Each standing upright and looking outward. Staring at me with their "come play with us...forever" look.

Inside the lobby were several groups of middle-aged women around round tables talking, interspersed with a few of their children sitting in chairs. Their bone-white, stone-faced, unmoving children. Who the women were talking to.


I am SO hoping these creepy-ass dolls have nothing to do with the fatherhood conference. A weird, government-funded, extremely misguided fatherhood activity.

But good news! The dolls were from the 2008 International CADC (Creepy Ass Doll Convention). OK, maybe it was called the International Doll and Teddy Bear Convention. Teddy Bears must've sold out. The front desk clerk told me that the small creepy ass dolls sold for $1,800. I think I could spend a lot less to find something that would scare the living crap out of me in the middle of the night, but to each their own.

And better news! The conference just ended.

The hotel is all about conventions. As the Twilight Zone people and their demon dolls are leaving, a new group was setting up.

The new group is comprised of buff-looking, buzz-cut men with mustaches and vaguely military uniforms setting up for the National Defense Industrial Association. Whose tag line is (I swear!) "Serving the Next Generation of Warfighters...Now!" And has exhibits about "target acquisition" and "electro-magnetic superiority." And the exhibit hall has tiny little helicopters, TWO Hummers, and one very fast looking boat, all mounted with turrets and rayguns.

Yes, I looked around a little. And may have done some pricing. And found that I can get a surface-to-air missile for about $200 less than a small creepy-ass doll.