Of course I floss!

I always stress about going to the dentist. I have flossed maybe six times in my life. I know I should, I just don't. It's like breakfast - I know I should eat breakfast, but I don't. I'm just a rebel. And what do the "experts" know?

The dental hygienist always knows. She can tell my whole dental care history in one glance. It's like a freaky tea-leaf thing.

"You eat a lot of spicy food, don't you? I can see uncharacteristic wear on your A3 incisor."

She always knows I'm a non-flosser. And depending on who I get, her admonition can be anywhere from gentle reminders to outrage and hostility.

"You should be grateful you have teeth. Floss 'em or lose them, you ungrateful bastard!!" This from Helga, a dental hygienist who still haunts my dreams.

So now I take the girls to the dentist. And now I get double the grief from the hygienists.

"It's important that they floss every day. You should look over their shoulder and make sure they are doing it." And "you do have them brush their teeth, don't you??"

Granted, they are less terrifying in their Sponge-Bob lab coats, but still add to my growing fear of dentistry.

Hey, I feed the kids breakfast! Almost every day.