40 Pounds of Butter at Cult-co

For some time now, people have been raving to us about Costco.  Our friends and acquaintances, and hell - people in the street extoll the virtues of the place and are surprised (and suspicious) when we say we haven't been.
"Oh, their produce is the best."
"Costco pizza is fantastic."
"I love their wine selection!"
"We got all of our children there - they had a three-for-two special."
"You can check out anytime you like!*"

So we joined.  And started buying massive quantities of stuff.  I needed sugar, and now I have 3 kilos.  Ibuprofen?  50 bottles of caplets.  Inflatable island with detachable landing craft? Check.

At the risk of incurring Cost-tility, I have to say...I don't get it.  The place is packed, the shoppers are pushy, there is no parking...

"But Russell, what about all the free samples?"

Great point.  But I do not get wound up for a pill-cup of Smartpop distributed by motion-activated, animatronic sample bots.  They stand there, motionless, till someone walks by.  Then they start into their spiel, AND they keep going, even when people have completely cleared the area.

"These sausage and biscuits with clamato come in a box of 500, just down aisle 6,217. Be sure to grab a box!  And what goes good with these?  Our industrial, 830 pound bag of Warren G. Harding brand wood chips.  Did you know that as President, Warren G. Harding wanted to make wood chips the national bird?  Remember to grab a coupon!"

The only thing worse than the motion-activated, animatronic sample bots is EVERYONE ELSE IN THE STORE.  Well, not the employees.  They seem very nice.  Unfailingly nice.  Suspiciously, unfailingly nice.  No, I mean the customers, or "sample whores".  They park their triple-wide, Hummer shopping carts right in the middle of the aisle and reach under the protective glass to grab five of the 1/2 ounce samples of pork rind flavored fish sticks.

I have partaken of one sample in my handful of trips.  It was of bottled water.  When I took my one sample, I said "thank you" to the animatronic sample bot.  She looked at me strangely and sparks flew out of her head.

I don't need four dozen croissants that badly.

*But you can never leave.