Oh, Fork You!

I do understand it's been a long long time since I've posted.  The world is both completely absurd and not funny, all at the same time.  After next Tuesday, it will all be better again, or it will all be much, much worse.  I'm pulling for all better again.

In the meantime, I have been dealing with a crisis at work.  One that has occupied much of my energies since this summer.

I have been dealing with the Great Fork Famine of '16. 

You see, our work forks keep disappearing.  Not forks we use for work.  We are a children's mental health agency.  We don't use forks for work.

No, it's the forks we use for recreation.

Wait, that sounds really wrong.

No, it's the forks we have available so that employees can utilize them to eat their microwaved Lean Cuisines and other assorted lunch foods.

Every few weeks, an e-mail goes out asking people to please return the communal forks. Few, if any, ever return. Spoons don't seem to be a problem.  No one steals them.  And last year, someone had the bright idea that we should keep the drawer with the knives locked, in case a client wandered into the break room.  No one wants to be responsible for the vaguely anxious teenager getting hold of a butter knife. 

The problem is (OK, the other problem is) - no one remembers where we put the key.  So we can be reasonably assured that all knives are accounted for!  Probably.

Our presenting problem is fork leakage.  Metaphorically.  I realize that a fork would leak, what with the tines and the slots and all.

Our office manager went out and bought more forks.  That lasted a few weeks.  She bought more, and put one in each staff person's box.  Still didn't increase the overall supply of forks.  We have about 40 people (staff, volunteers, contractors, etc.) that flow through the break room on any given week.  By my count, we have lost 4,918 forks since June 1st. 

Our office manager declared an amnesty this week:
 
Good Afternoon To All,

 

Just wanted to check with everyone and see if there is a possibility that some of ya’ll have any forks that can be brought to the kitchen sink. You don’t have to tell me who you are!!!! Just go and drop it in the sink and “I” will even wash them for you!!! LOL

To which I replied to the staff:

I haven’t seen the missing forks.  On a completely unrelated topic, I am selling some of my art work for the holidays.  Let me know if you want to see more of my portfolio:

 

 

Of course, these are just pictures I downloaded from the internet.  I did not actually make this fork art.  That would be silly.

 

But I did make these:

 

 

The holidays are coming!  Send your orders today.  Next Wednesday I may be living in a bunker.